We all know at least one of these people. I call them itemizers. They stare at the food bill for three minutes. Usually they can’t see it good so they have to squint making it even more noticeable. Sometimes there are two of them who team up together. They each order the cheapest meal on the menu and never throw in enough money for it.

On a trip to Cabo San Lucas some years ago four of the boys agreed to eat one lunch or dinner at Johnny Rockets. I know, we are in Cabo San Lucas, but ya know what sometimes Johnny Rockets just hits the spot. The burgers are pretty damn good for being semi fast food and it’s always a fun environment. So we all order and woof down a burger, fries, some onion rings and drinks. The bill comes and it’s like 68 bucks. I take charge and say OK fellas pretty easy, $20 buck a piece with tip. There’s always one, “WHAT, twenty dollars for a hamburger?!” Ok, let’s go through the bill item by item. Everyone’s burger was 12 bucks, sure one guy got mushrooms, one guy got extra cheese, etc. We all ate fries and onion rings. 18 bucks total. Two guys got milk shakes and two guys got sodas. Yes pal, 20 dollars for a hamburger. “But, waaaa-waaaaa I didn’t get a shake.” You’re kidding me right. Everytime I see this guy I think to myself “20 dollars for a hamburger”. Every time I go by a Johnny Rockets I have to tell that story.

It never fails. You go out to eat with a bunch of friends. The bill goes around everyone throws in some money and it gets back to you and you’re 50 bucks short. You ask everyone what’s up and somehow everyone swears they paid what they owe. You already know who short changed you, but do you call them out on it or do you just hand the bill around the table again ? Or do you just pay the difference yourself because you don’t want to embarass this person ? Or before even passing the bill around, do you just look at the bill, it’s five hundred bucks with tip and there are 5 people just tell everyone 100 bucks a piece. You know the “twenty dollar hamburger” guy ain’t gonna go for that. He’s gonna say I got the cheap steak and my steak should only be 40 dollars. Usually he forgets about the ceasar salad he got, the two beers and the baked potato and of course the tax and tip.

Now granted one guy at the table decides it’s necessary to order a $400 bottle of wine for himself he needs to take care of it. If you are all in the same ball park with the bill I say shut up and pay up. The itemizer’s always forget about tax and tip. Sure, it doesn’t sound like much. But the itemizer thinks that he orders a meal for $17.99 he always throws in a $20 and thinks that’s plenty. He always forgets about the three diet cokes he had and tax and tip. In reality he probably owes somewhere between $25 and $30.

The other thing I love is these people that carry around the tip card. If you are an adult and if you can’t figure out 20 % within ten seconds then you probably shouldn’t have the bill in your hands.